A Piece of Advice

Typically, lately, we lead with international news, specifically as it relates to Israel. For just this week, let's bump that unhappy item to the number two slot and read some holiday advice for everyone, from Isaac Bashevis Singer, as shared by author Emily Tamkin in The Forward. If you are feeling at all lost about the year that was and what lies ahead, this is the read for you. And even if you are not, this is still the read for you. Paradigm shifts are so often framed as being big picture - sometimes, though, it simply starts with you.

"The premise of Singer’s story: A young man has a father-in-law who is, and knows he is, a bad-tempered man. He wants to deal with his anger. And so the young man takes his father-in-law to see a rabbi. The rabbi tells him to flatter everyone he meets, even scoundrels. This suggestion enrages the father-in-law; he hates flatterers.

"But later, at Shabbat service, the rabbi offers the following wisdom, on the question of what a Jew should do if he is not a pious man, 'Let him play the pious man. The Almighty does not require good intentions. The deed is what counts. It is what you do that matters.' And so they go back home, and the father-in-law listens to what the rabbi said. He stops snapping at people. He still feels angry, but he speaks softly. 'One could feel that he did this only with great effort,' our narrator, the son-in-law, tells us. 'That’s what made it noble.' And in time, the father-in-law becomes less angry, too.

"The story concludes with the narrator remembering that the rabbi once said that 'thou shalt not covet' is the last of the Ten Commandments, because the main thing is to change one’s actions, not one’s desires. 'And so it is with all things,' our narrator tells us. 'If you are not happy, act the happy man. Happiness will come later. So also with faith. If you are in despair, act as though you believed. Faith will come afterwards.' ”

Something to think about as we look ahead to 2025. While we cannot change how others behave, we can change how we react and respond. The narrative is ours to own.

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